AnyaLilyWords

Health

1. Keep a food journal
2. Exercise at least 4 times a week
3. Meditate for 10-15 minutes 4 times a week

I resolve to be aware of everything that crosses my lips. The way I will do this is to keep a food journal and measure my food. Just this simple act of bringing awareness to my eating will help me make better choices when I am hungry and to think twice about snacking when I am not. I will also meditate and exercise at least 4 days a week.

Marriage and family

1. Find a babysitter and hire her at least twice a month
2. Have a daily meaningful conversation with Gabor
3. Do a small, considerate act each day
4. Do something special with Stella each week

I resolve to find opportunities for closeness, fun and connection. One way I will do this is to find a good babysitter so we can go out a few times a month, dancing, museums, culture events, theater, synagogue events, etc… Another is to watch less TV, making sure I get to have a real conversation with Gabor over dinner or before before bed. Finally, I will strive to do small, meaningful things for him, like having the clutter areas clear more often, making nice dinners and being more responsive to his requests about the house and spending. Disneyland showed me that I should make magical moments for Stella, so  will try to do something new or special each week.

Financial

1. Keep a spending journal
2. Make a meal plan and weekly shopping list

I resolve to be conscious of my spending as I am conscious of the food I eat. This means I log everything I spend and the method, whether cash, checking or CC. This will help me notice my patterns of spending and curb unnecessary purchases. I think the main offenders are cups of coffee when out and about, lunches and snacks that I did not plan, and extras in the supermarket. I will also make meal plans a week in advance and go to the market with a complete list so I do not wander.

The hype about the end of the Mayan Calendar is a metaphor for what has not been working in my life. Living far into the future, worrying about things that are 12 steps down a path, waiting for some dramatic upheaval that will allow me to change my life… None of these behaviors allow me to live as a fully realized human being.

There was a time when I fretted about the end of the world. Over a decade ago, I planned to wait until after this date to have children, in case the prophesies were true and I would have to watch them suffer. When I attempt a diet, one of my first impulses is to count the weeks and months ahead and imagine how many pounds I could shed by a future date. This future thinking disturbs the actual good work that can be done if I exist in the moment. Instead of projecting far into the future, what if I focus on how good it feels to be satisfied – not hungry and not full? Or how good it feels when I break a sweat. How fun it is to dance. How good fresh vegetables taste. How lovely a beautifully set table is. How music changes the mood better than any drug or substance. How peaceful I feel after 10 minutes of meditation.

When I think about having more children, I tend to dwell on the past, how hard it has been to be a mother, the challenges I didn’t forsee… I jump into the future, how many years of diapers and night waking are ahead of me, how old my daughter will be when this is ready for school. How long it will be before we can travel again. Again, this future thinking robs me of noticing how sweet my existing daughter is. How she looks to me for approval or to share a joke. When I put her to bed at night, I think only about how long it will take before I can relax and watch a favorite television show, rather than noticing how she still likes to cuddle, how I haven’t had a chance to really listen to her all day.

So, how can I be in the present and make choices that will benefit me today and in the future. Because the danger of being in the moment is to say “this cookie means nothing”, “one donut will not make me any fatter”, “I can stay up late playing Angry Birds, one more night of poor sleep won’t affect me.” But that sort of pleasure in the moment attitude cannot help me achieve my goals.

So how do I balance being in the moment with considering the future? Somehow, I think being a little more organizaed is key. Making lunches the night before and going to sleep a little earlier can make the morning entirely different. Having an eating plan like avoiding sweets, snacks and seconds five days of the week can help me to keep my weight loss on track and give me something more to look forward to for the weekend. Getting bedtime started an hour earlier and feeling alright about lingering over the story segment of the evening can give me precious time with my daughter and help her feel more heard, supported and loved in the long run.

Balance is key. Live in the moment, plan for tomorrow.

There is a lot to think about right now. I still continue to work on being healthy, make good choices, supporting my emotional health… And there is a lot going on externally. The needs and challenges of parenting, of marriage. My relationships with my parents, my brother, my family members… Then there are the social issues that surround me. The financial crisis, ongoing several years now and no sign of improvement. The violence in our communities, gun violence, violence against women, ingrained racism, classism. Obesity and illness due to what I believe is mass depression and despair, and an unhealthy system. Lack of quality medical care. The destruction of the environment and blindness to the injustices in the world, committed against the poor and disenfranchised. Our society’s addiction to media and substances like food, caffeine, alcohol, prescription drugs, narcotics. It spirals out and out in a dark and loping cyclone, picking up speed and wobbling its way toward melt down.

But there is beauty and peace within, at least that is the goal. If I can create a sense of balance and peace in my heart, in my home, then my family can be part of the smaller but more enduring cycle of hope, love, resilience and compassion. But can I still my monkey-mind long enough to develop those skills? Am I so addicted to the escape of television that I cannot turn off the media box and go inward to listen to my inner master?

I believe there are steps toward this sort of self-realization and I am going to begin a list now and see if I can develop it and myself toward this goal. Even if I can’t have the effect on the world that I believe awakened people have, there are benefits: Teaching my daughter how to live in a chaotic world with a calm heart. Celebrating the joy and love in my marriage and enhacing the cooperation and partnership that allows us to be responsive to each other and the world around us, rather than reactive. Raising my children to be equipped to show and teach others that there is a different world. And simply enjoying the human experience as much as possible without harming anyone or myself.

1. Calm my space. Declutter and keep things simple and clear to make space for creativity and healthy daily functioning.

2. Meditate. Spend some time each day doing nothing and letting the dust settle so the true thoughts can come through. Spend some time alone.

3. Journal so there can be a progressive narrative of growth and ideas, and to let the blather out in a way that does not upset, distract and burden other people.

4. Be kind to others. Use words carefully. Be considerate. Develop compassion. Give charity.

5. Spend time in nature. Observe the amazing wonder of the outdoors.

6. Pray, in any way that makes sense. Do this with some regularity, and don’t always just ask for something. Have conversations with G-d.

7. Seek community. Find ways to spend time with others who share your values. Think of others when you are not together. Write letters, have phone dates. Gather often.

8. Be creative. Find opportunities to express yourself and create opportunities to create.

9. Recycle, reuse and reduce consumption. Show compassion to the environment and treat it as a living organism.

10. Act mindfully. Do the things you have to do, fully present.

11. Cry whenever you need to. Laugh every day. Let your emotions out in a healthy way.

12. Honor the children in your life. Listen to them, consider them and teach them. See in them whole beings with the same rights and integrity as the best adults you know.

13. Eat mindfully. Nourish your body so it can be energized and fully activiated.

14. Move your body every day. Do things with your movement, like work, play, creation, travel. Put your energy to good use.

That’s all! The simplest and most challenging list I have every made.

Happy journeys!

I would like to start blogging again. Issues of family life, thoughts about the world, and my own journey to finding more balance and peace in this crazy world! So, here goes everything!

I have entered the cyber age. Welcome to my blog. I have lots to say and apparently I am now going to say it for all to hear. Hear ye, hear ye! Thus spoke AnyaLily.